Forgive the navel-gazing...

This particular semester I'm hit with 4 lectures back-to-back that provide a weird perspective that I sometimes wish the rest of the world would introduce themselves to. I do not mean that in a "higher and better" context, b/c I'm all about realizing my humility on a daily basis. I wonder sometimes, if people would have their heads up their @sses less if they stopped and thought about what actually takes place in the world on a molecular level. Then again, that's assuming occasionally I *don't* have my head up my @ss due to my classes, but let me assure you, I sometimes most certainly have my head up my @ss. I think that's a product of being human...but I'm rambling here...

Basically it's a combination of genetics, adv. o. chem, cell phys, and botany. Most of it is molecular stuff...stuff I really like to chew on mentally. We watch animations of how we think DNA polymerase work, etc. We have the cute shaped "enzyme" structures, the color-coded T's, A's, G's & C's..but we also forget that all of this is all molecular, and it happens without our conscious thought having a hand in it.

O.Chem tends to have a hand in re-emphasizing why all the reactions take place...and by the time you're sitting in cell phys, a deamination of alanine to pyruvate doesn't seem like that big of a deal. Botany rounds out the whole experience when it hits you over the head: it's happening with plants too (well, not deamination, but the whole TCA cycle, chemical reactions, yadda, yadda, yadda).

You sit in your seat and start to wonder...when is it just a chemical reaction, and where and why does the "conscious" come in? Are we just the by-products of chemical reactions...some sort of thermodynamic by-product that we can't perceive b/c we're it?

I really think it all boils down to physics. That's the whole reason behind the chemical interactions...how all of the elements even came to BE in the first place as well - unfathomable amounts of heat & pressure - all formed in a star, and that's what is constantly buzzing and interacting that we use and consider "our bodies." Does that mean the stars are alive and conscious as well? Where do we get the arrogance that we're better than any other combination of chemical reactions? Is it the thumbs? Should we not be even eating carrots? Do they have souls too?

Take for instance hormones. Rather large complex chemicals that make us grow, make us irrate, moody, irrational..(not just estrogen here, but also testosterone). What is the chemical reaction that takes place in our brains that leads to an emotion? Is that emotion valid? Are we kidding ourselves when we think it is?

I'm driving and thinking to myself...we're all the product of all of the chemical reactions from day one. Why do certain chemical rxns make someone want to create music, and if they do, why do I feel a connection with it? I'm left with the resounding notion - how arrogant we are. Humans, collectively...for us to think we have it figured out. Maybe that's why people find comfort in religion - they need to rest assured that somehow, someone must have everything figured out.

I don't ascribe to that philosophy. And yet I don't think that we as a species or combination of events (earth forming) and reactions (our evolution) has enabled us to understand it all. I like to believe that there's something important there when two people connect, something that can't be explained, something bigger than everything we know. I like to feel what I feel, and have the gut feeling that all things are tied together. There's part of me that really enjoys the fact that the materials that make my body were once atoms inside a gigantic star (please review your astrophysics if you think I'm speaking hippie talk here). I think that's really neat.

But at no point in time will I ever let what I "want" or choose to believe interfere with the process of evaluating data. Everything we know, all our understanding and technology comes from the hard facts science. No where are we allowed to just stop and say, "oh, it must be giant spaghetti monster...he is wise..."
It's bad enough our society is dumbed down by celebrity worship, idiot tv, and a whole lot of terrible music spurned by creative marketing. I'm doing the sciences a disservice if I ever just say, "it must be god's hand." Not that I ever would say that, in particular.

I think that's why I really dig the hard core physicists. I always joke they're not human...most of the ones I've met work on a different level than most other majors, and I have a lot of respect for them, b/c I don't really speak that language. But a lot of them are dealing with the most fundamental questions we have - not how we have consciousness - how does this world work? And there's a lot of ambiguity in what they find, and what they "know" or perceive to be accurate. But I've never heard them attribute what they don't know to any deity, and I think that's pretty damn important.

I guess I always hold in mind that we don't know everything...we can't possibly understand everything...but we'd better keep plodding along until we can't anymore.
Thankfully I'm a big believer that it's about the journey and not the destination.

Hmmm...I'm not even sure if all of this is coherent. I don't think it matters.
Today this is just another series of chemical reactions, and it's just like any other day, but today I'm choosing to acknowledge it.

Love it...

I promised that my next post would be something not-so angry...
With the onslaught of the end of the semester, I'll just leave it at humor.

I love the comic Bunny.
I especially love it when there are little jokes that are tailored toward the geekier side of the spectrum.



I'm easily amused, and easy to please.

"Let the spaceship land....they're here to pick me up."

As the classwork builds up, it's hard to remember that you just need to keep your head down and focus on the task at hand. I partially blame myself for taking 16 credits, all sciences, and 10 of which are lab classes. (There's a reason for those electives - buffering fluff classes.)
It just gets worse as the end of the semester is crammed full of exams (pushed back due to snow days), lab reports, and term papers. After the end of all that...there's the suicide race of finals.

Then again, most who have gone through the hoops know this, and those in-progress understand it as well. Friends and loved ones outside the realm of science academia don't always understand. I feel like I should hang a virtual sign (probably via email) that says: "Fallen off the planet for now. Will return after finals. NO, I will *not* be in the mood to celebrate the Friday I finish my last final. I plan to SLEEP afterwards."

Before I go back to studying, I did come across a post at Respectful Insolence that really hits the nail on the head for why all the religion quackery gets me annoyed. The link is here.

If the offending parents had been of any religious persuasion other than Christianity, you can rest assured that the whole incident would be flooded with press, outrage, and immediate prosecution. For a culture that seems to be obsessed with "Save the Children!" sentiment, it's ironic that there's no outcry over an 11 yr old girl - not just killed, but died over a long, painful death over the span of a month that could have *easily* been prevented.

I promise the next post will have nothing to do with religion. Instead I'll try to post something regarding "fluffy bunnies and cushions," as the bf would say. Or, at the very least, something fun and dazzling to read/watch/look at.
Oooooo shiny.....

"Americans can has religion"

After catching up on my blog reading, I couldn't ignore the hub-bub concerning the release of a new movie put out by Ben Stein called Expelled. The trailer is here.

Ironically of course, one of the scientists interviewed was denied entry to the debut of the film. Does anyone get that? It's a movie that talks about creationist scientists (I can't believe I just typed that) are being victimized and silenced by evolutionary scientists, but the producers barred one the very scientists they interviewed to see the film. So the movie about suppressed creationists is suppressing the anti-creationist scientists? Huh?

What were they afraid of? That maybe someone might bring to light that something is being misrepresented? I believe Richard Dawkins illustrates this idea here, the 13th paragraph down. While the science blog community argues over who should represent science, I begin to only have a sinking feeling in heart. It's a complete blow to the science community in the United States.

Already research funding is down due to economic strain, and Boy-George's war. Our education system is a joke, participation in the sciences is dropping, and now we have a Rush-Limbaugh approved film showing "victimized" scientists and what YOU can do to tell off those nasty believers of Darwinism.

I'm sure the movie will pave the way for more "science" as seen here. (Heads up to Pharyngula for posting the link.)
I found watching this difficult, and it made my heart sink further.

I would like to be disassociated from the war-hungry, fundamentalist-Christian American stereotype please.

Disconnect and connect again

Haven't posted in months - guess that's how it goes sometimes.

This semester has proven to be rather irritating, not due to my classes, as I'm currently really digging most of them. The issue is one particular lab class, a 400 level at that. I realize that not all students are going to be gung-ho scientists, and thats why we have degrees in business, marketing, etc. Most liberal arts degrees require lower level sciences, and that makes complete sense as well.

What I cannot understand is how upper level science students don't retain anything they learn from previous classes. You know that what you learn now will be used later - that's the nature of biology and chemistry degrees. Basic microbiology - dilutions , colony counts, plating techniques, etc. It's not rocket science.

You learn dilutions and molarity from day one in chemistry classes, but ask a class of 400-level lab students to create 10x stock solutions, or calculate concentrations from a standard curve, and you get nothing but a clueless, blank stare. And yet, it's worse than that...they don't even care. They will stand around, look at the numbers, and pretend to be working on the calculations, though they'll constantly look up and see who has decided to sit down and work through them. They don't want to do the work, and they don't care if they learn how.

The bottom line now is just the grade. They don't care if they learn it or not, but make sure they get the lab grade and that's it. They will stand in their lab coats and wait for someone else to take the lead, to go through and find the magic number to begin working.

I get frustrated by this. Aren't you supposed to care? Didn't you choose this? I'm sure there are plenty of students who are pressured for whatever reasons into their course of study, but is the average that low that only 1 of 12 students give two bits about the class they're in?
Maybe it's the school. I'm not at a major industry school, but sometimes I feel completely alien because I'm actually interested in what I do.

I have a lot of respect for another professor. Even if his lab is sometimes a lot of review for me because I work in a lab, I really appreciate that he goes through the logic of experiment design step-by-step for the class. All the components of the labs are basic techniques, but the skills are utilized in different lab environments, and the training is beneficial. Again, I feel alien because if I pointed this out to a fellow student, they'd look at me like I have three heads and mumble about what a loser I was.

I forget, they're just there for the grade.

the ways we learn

One of my favorite threads from In the Pipeline was the famous "how not to do it" topic.
Today I had one of those little fun days where you learn something you never forget.

While last semester I was doing a lot of molecular work, this semester I'm dealing with picky organisms that never seem satisfied with the media we provide them with. So today I decided I needed to replenish our supply of slants in a particular media. No big deal.

Normally we throw all the media ingredients, stir, pH, and then add the agar. Stir again, put it in the autoclave which will adequately heat the agar and mix properly. No fuss, no muss.
(To the post doc or grad student, I apologize where this is going...take a stroll down memory lane if you like...)

However, the agar must be boiled in the media before you aliquot the mixture to the test tubes, THEN autoclaved. After sterilization, promptly remove and put on tilted rack for cooling. Nooooo problem.

....

What they didn't tell me is that once you have one bubble from your "boil" take the damn flask off the heat. Instead I stood and made sure the media was at a good boil. Turned off the heat...turned to grab the auto-pipet, turned back and then there it was.... a whole mass of boiling-over, foamy, HOT media. In the realization and panic of "hey I can't move that" one of the two grad students grabbed an autoclave glove and moved the flask to the benchtop. We then watched the whole mess flood the area.

And the fun part is that it all congeals nicely onto the benchtop, for you to scrape off later.
This was then followed by a round of stories from the grad students of the same experience. Apparently this is just one of those lessons you only have to learn *once*.

Unfortunately it made a long day that much longer....

As a side note...if your labmates are too idle waiting for their own reasons, make sure they don't start playing with the liquid nitrogen. At least I wasn't really surprised when I heard the loud *boom* from down the hallway...

thoughts from on-going academia...

Things to expect from time to time:

Driving home from classes, you feel a slight irritation on your hands from an acid you were working with in your organic chemistry lab. Instead of concern for your skin, all you can think is, "damn...there goes part of my yield."

You realize you never have any good pens lying around because invariably they're all in the breast pocket of your lab coat.

Never calculate when you'll leave in the afternoon IFFF the autoclave finishes in x-minutes of the alloted cycle. Just assume it will fail as it does 70% of the time anyway. Leaving prior to 5pm will be a pleasant surprise.